Thursday, 29 March 2012

Journey of My Life Chapter Ten

Days started passing away, I started adjusting with each and everything that came to me. . I couldnt believe myself what i was doing. . I had started living a life which was not at all my type. Each and everytime was proving a failure to me. .I was trying hard to match up with my life. 
Some days in the beginning went good. Me and my husband didnt go for a proper holiday after marriage. . Since the day we got married, he was very busy with his work and for me it seemed like it was a total exhageration of work, cz any work cant make you so busy that it doesnt give you some quality time for your new married life. He told me we wont to go for a long holiday, it will be just a two days outing Cz he had work and my brother-in-law was not capable or cooperative enough to manage the work and get us some good time.

I agreed, thought that its okay, nothing is more important than a quality time, so i compromised and said atleast we are getting two days for outing. . Even the place was not so interesting but then too I made up my mind. . 
Next day we had to leave early morning, but cz of some work of my husband we decided to leave in the evening. 
Finally in evening we left for our holiday.I was thinking to spend good 48hrs that we had but just when the journey started he slept and I was awake all the way alone,Again i made up my mind, thought he must be tired so i let him rest. We would have a good time once we reach the place. . 

Just like a normal holiday we went there, spend time , went out to visit places and thats it. . Here too i got some wierd experiences that i never expected . . . 
Things were totally different than i ever thought of. . I always thought he ll fulfil all my requirements. And i never asked for anything expensive and nor i was too demanding. . But he started putting restrictions on me, and even on eating my favourite food or sweets I had a line of restrictions. . 
I cant eat more than one or two chocolates or anything. . He knew how much i loved them but then too from his side it was always a no. . and i dont remember that he ever brought any chocolates for me as gift . . small expectations were not fulfiled by him or he never bothered about it . . 
I was feeling bad, all these thoughts made me feel alone, i wept all night but then made up my mind that I had to live my life with this thing. . I was not able to demand or even ask him the reason of such behaviour towards me. . Maybe i was so attached to him that I was ready to give up almost everything in my life. But my sacrifices and compromises never came to his consideration. He kept on neglecting my minor needs or small expectations of a wife that she always has from her husband. . This was our personal life , all the love we had before marriage seemed like vanishing away from his side. He became too practical with his life that he didnt find it important to give time to the person who is gonna spend her whole life with him and loves him . .

Next day morning i woke up like nothing happened. . Still i had not even come out of my sleep,His phone started ringing and i woke him up , it was his brother's call, he seemed to be in a bad mood and said that he wants him back to work cz he cant manage the work alone. .
And that was it, and that was the end of our holiday , A holiday that was of 48hrs that hardly came after marriage, which i longed for since we got married, All my expectations and dreams were shattered when my husband told me to pack bags . .I started packing up without sayin a word or arguing with him. . And that was the end of our 48hrs holiday in just 24hrs . .

When You Love Someone More Than What They Deserve,They Always Give You Less Importance That Wat You Deserve. .

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Journey of My Life Chapter Nine

I made up my mind to get married but the hardest task for me was to convince my parents. . It was the worst situation when I told my parents, I knew the obvious answer that was to come from their side, It was a strict No. . . They were correct at their point cz it was not at all a good situation for my family to get into any such ceremonies and on the other hand, the boy and his family were in a hurry and constantly hammering me to convince my parents. . . Things were very hard for me to handle, my parents were not changing their mind, the boys side was not ready for the delay and even i was a big fool not to realize even at this point that I was going on a wrong decision. . People say love is blind and I proved it by being totally blind and dumb. . . Dint realise that if at this stage the boy doesnt understand my situations and problems, he is never gonna understand my future situations too. . . 6Months of this hard situation and finally my parents got fed up and got convinced for the marriage. . . 
The boys family had told that his younger brother is to be married soon and also his grandma is at the last stage of her life and she wish to see both the brothers married . . . they kept pressurising me wit these two points and the boy was emotionally holding me to get married soon. . . 
My parents got convinced but somewhere i was not happy to hurt my parents and get married, but for the sake of love and the boy i took the step. . . I killed my emotions and even my parents feelings. . . Dont know at what state of mind I was, i wasnt able to judge the situation and adjust my emotions. . . We got married in a simple way, but somewhere still I was in a confusion about what i did was right or wrong. . . And this confusion and being emotional wit everything in life made me pay a lot later. . . "If we Become Sentimental Its Too Hard To Lead Our Life and Take Correct Decisions. . "
I left my parents and walked on with him to a new world and a new life. . . Stepped into the new home. . . All were unknown to me except the boy. . . Was scared and nervous too. . . But between all this thoughts and things the 1st shock was coming up for me. . i There was not much excitement among the other members for the new bride in the house. . There was nothing like celebration in the house for the new member . . . Everyone got busy with their work, ladies got in the kitchen. . Now in a big day and celebration time general and normal people have some feast at home and celebrate with something new. . But here it was something really opposite. . . There was no feast , just a simple dinner, I was standing alone all time watching everyone and confused at the behaviour of them. . That time i really felt like going back to my home, even my husband was not around to handle me, and make me feel that I was not alone in this new place. . . Got tears,but then somehow managed to handle myself. . . Everyone finished dinner and me too had little and then everyone got back to work . . .
I was still standing again at the same place after dinner, noone bothered about me, dint make a place for me to sit even. . Not even my husband came to me. . . Somewhere I regretted or doubted my decision of getting married. . .
But then again I was still blind to see the reality. . Days started passing by, my inlaws went back to their city. . Now it was just me and my husband staying in the house. . For me the testing time had started. . my 1st compromise here, i never wanted to get into the tests of life which a typical girl has to face. . but i was put into this test and again i felt alone cz even if stayin alone i dint have proper support of my husband. . . I dint know how to cook. . . I had never ever cooked when i was at my house,.but now when m married I had to cook and i didnt know anything about cooking, my husband knew this and then too dint even give me a little solace or help me. . I had watched ppl cook and tried to do the same, and cook atleast something. . . .Being the woman of the house it was my responsibility now. . . . This new life put me in test at Every step i took and every moment . . . This was not me not my life . . but then i somehow made up my mind that this was only my life and ve to live it even if it was not my type. . .

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Journey of My Life Chapter Eight

My Family. . . I have a small family of just 4 members. . We got no much relatives that could be called our own. . All just formal relations, fake in this fake world. . Many of them I havent seen their faces even once in my life. . And i never feel like meeting them cz i was happy in our small family.. . My parents struggled a lot after getting married and got a stand in their life. . . We had got enough resources that every well to do family needs to lead a peaceful and easy life. . Everything was so good and easy. . . But some disasters and selfish ppl got our life into a mess. . Maybe something else. . . I never realised that my family was going through hard times until my dad sold our car. . . That time i was too young and immature to understand the things going on around me. . But as i grew up and got maturity I realised the true meaning of the things going on in my family. . My dad had only so resources left to educate me and my younger brother. . I was older so my graduation was somehow completed but when my brother reached his college he had to drop out just cz we had lack of finance. . I started realizing the sincerety of situation and opted to start earning to help out my family. . I got my 1st job that gave me enough money to pay up the rent of the house we were living in. . When I started this job our financial condition had already started getting bad to worse. . I never knew the meaning of money untill I got into this situation, we had enough finance that could fulfil any and all of our needs but now the situation was totally reverse , we had to think twice even if we wanted to buy a small thing. . 
Only one person earning and that was me, my income was not at all enough in anyways. . Dad used to get source money till some time but then all stopped.. I thought that being elder it was my responsibility to over situations and work out wit things for my family. . . I started going for other job. . Now I had enough income from those two jobs. . One I did from morning till noon and other one was from noon to night. . From this income rent,bills,grocery were paid. . But still was hard to meet two ends. . 
Meanwhile, I finished my graduation somehow and then fully concentrated on my work. .
I forgot about all my needs and my dreams all I did was work all day. . Always tried hard to fulfill small needs of my family and did my best as much i could . . Time was going on really hard and destiny was still not ready to change its mood. I was just slowly getting frustrated by all this. . Seeing my family in trouble and all that situations broke me inside. . .
But destiny had something more for me in its store.. . . 
A boy came to my life . . We met at a friend's get together and after a month of stayin in contact he proposed to me. . "He was not at all my type to guy" but then at that whirls of time i was not havin any thoughts of my type of man. . somewhere i had made up my mind that such a guy never existed . . . 
I used to get some moral support from him when i was in trouble and when needed, and so i started gettin close to him. . As time passed almost after a year or so he decided to get married. . Knowing that my family was in crises I was nt ready to get into that marriage and needed more time. . But when his family came to know that he was in a relation and wants to marry me, they , being kind of orthodox , started hurrying up for gettin married. . Me and him started gettin into arguments and quarrels as I was not ready now and he and his family was in a hurry and gave me millions of reasons of why he wanted to get married soon. . Things were getting worse for me now, on one hand I was under pressure of this guy, and other hand I had problems in my family and i was not in any condition to reveal my relation and that i wanted to get into marriage. . . I was not able to even make up my mind to get him out of my mind and life and maybe I was somewhere emotionally attached to him. . Willingly and unwillingly i was not able to detach myself from him. . But one more thought that he was not able to understand my situation or maybe i was gettin to much concerned about my family condition. . He was very good and maybe was smart at changing my thoughts by pampering me and get me a brain wash and somehow he made me digest the thing that once i get married to him I will be happy. . And maybe in search of little peace of mind to I took a foolish step of getting married to him but before I could get married to him I had a condition for him that I would not stop my job and whatever I earn I will give to my parents cz they need it. . He agreed. . . But this was not the end of my troubles. . Infact it was just the beginning. . . . to be continued. . :